Hollywood Blueprint: Irritating Errors & Regurgitation Depicting Lack of Originality

The essence of a good story has been lost in Hollywood. Despite the glamour of the industry perpetuated through the media and celebrity gossip, the television and film have tainted whatever good taste one may have left. “Sex, drugs and rock n’ roll” has filtered out any respectful concept and turned it into trash. Here we will explore the success and failures of forever classic and timeless tales throughout history that we have come to adore and the Hollywood has advantage in sake of profit.

First, let’s take a look at this filter and blueprint that Hollywood is using to regurgitate old material and ruining original content:

  1. All characters have no communications skills whatsoever. When there is a problem, like a conflict with a character’s past that resurfaces in the present or a confrontation between characters, no one is able to speak their mind and resolve the problem. Instead, they keep it to themselves, all bottled up inside until the writers are ready to add an element of difficulty to the main story where things are bad but now are much worse. There are people in the world who are open and honest, but apparently they don’t exist on a production set at the end of a camera. It’s as if Hollywood went out and hunted this ‘species’ to extinction for convenience sake because they “need the story to keep going” and cannot for the life of them come up with a conflict more original and realistic. This is a dilemma because sometimes one of the characters has learned a key piece of information, but doesn’t share it so the problem can be solved earlier than when the writers would like.
  2. “It if worked once, keep using it” is a motto that allows the rehashing of almost obvious of story elements:
    • If the character(s) hear a mysterious noise, they have the sudden urge to go explore and find out what it is, even if it’s in the most dangerous and frightening of settings without a second guess or taking necessary precautions;
    • Disney’s biggest sin: “THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS” scenario (sometimes reversed, because it’s the male character in distress in need of rescue by the female counterpart):  The villain could threaten the “damsel in distress” with a toothpick or a kitten that if they don’t do what they say, they or someone else will die. The protagonist is a docile ding-dong who doesn’t scream or fight against their kidnapper, meanwhile just about every other character in the story is figuring out how to save them. The damsel doesn’t do anything, they just sit there and wait for someone to rescue them, so I’m surprised the producers don’t just supply them with a magazine table to pass the time.
    • In action movies, the unsung hero or sidekick jeopardizes the mission to save the world by allowing themselves to be seduced by the sexy female who is a secret enemy or simply to drop everything of importance to pursue them.
    • Personally I loathe ruining a perfectly good movie with a sex scene. Yes, people have sex, sometimes they’re in love, sometimes they’re not, but you don’t have to see the nitty gritty. There is such thing as implication and subtle clues that can replace the soft porn sneaking through the crevices of any ‘glamourous’ movie. Sex may sell, but is that the target demographic of the story being produced? What next, is there going to be a category added for ‘Best Sex Scene’ at the Golden Globes, Academy Awards and Oscars?! I don’t like recommending a movie only to say: “but there’s a sex scene” and specify the scene it comes after or how far into the watching. Same goes for nudity and swearing. The former goes hand in hand with sex scenes, yes it happens, but we don’t need to see ‘it’. I certainly don’t need to grind my teeth through an entire movie where every other word is “FUCK!” Do these people even know how to have a conversation? Are there people in the world who even swear that much to begin with? Was the writer desperately need to reach the minimum word count?!
    • Sequels for movies that weren’t that good the first time; The leg humping dog; Actions, words or names that have sexual connotations explicitly for that purpose; The stereotypes: crazed bible-thumping christian, the dumb or prejudice preacher, the stupid busty blond, the black gansta rapper, the nicest gay (there are mean or discourteous homosexuals), the nosey neighbour, etc.

The determination of Fail, Success or Pass is based on reviews, ratings, ranking and critics found on Internet Movie Database (IMDb):

Roman/Greek

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (2011) SUCCESS

Clash of the Titans (2010) FAIL

Spartacus: Blood & Sand (2010) SUCCESS

300 (2006) SUCCESS

Troy (2004) SUCCESS

Rome (Television, 2005-2007) SUCCESS

Cleopatra (1999) PASS

Anthony & Cleopatra (1972) FAIL

Cleopatra (1963) PASS

Cleopatra (1934) PASS

Bible

Passion of the Christ (2004) SUCCESS

Prince of Egypt (Animated, 1998) PASS

Jesus of Nazareth (Television, 1977) SUCCESS

Ben Hur (1959) SUCCESS

The Ten Commandments (1956) PASS

Disney

Tangled (2010) SUCCESS

The Princess & The Frog (2009) SUCCESS

Enchanted (2007) SUCCESS

Atlantis (2001) PASS

Tarzan (1999) SUCCESS

A Knight in Camelot (1998) FAIL

Hercules (1997) PASS

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1997) PASS

Pocahontas (1995) PASS

A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995) FAIL

The Jungle Book (1994) FAIL

The Three Musketeers (1993) PASS

The Adventure of Huck Finn (1993) FAIL

Aladdin (1992) SUCCESS

Beauty & The Beast (1991) SUCCESS

The Prince & The Pauper (1990) PASS

The Little Mermaid (1989) SUCCESS

Robin Hood (1973) SUCCESS

Sword in the Stone (1963) SUCCESS

Cinderella (1950) SUCCESS

Heroes & Heroines

Camelot (2011) PASS

Robin Hood (2010) PASS

The Adventure of Merlin (2008 – Present) PASS

The Last Legion (2007) PASS

Robin Hood BBC (2006) SUCCESS

King Arthur (2004) PASS

Count of Monte Cristo (2002) PASS

The Mists of Avalon (2001) FAIL

Man In the Iron Mask ( 1998) FAIL

Dragon Heart (1996) PASS

First Knight (1995) PASS

Robing Hood: Men in Tights (1993) PASS

Hook (1991) FAIL

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) PASS

Excalibur (1981) SUCCESS

The Adventure of Robin Hood (1938) SUCCESS

Romance

Pride & Prejudice (2005) SUCCESS

A Cinderella Story (2004) PASS

Ever After (1998) PASS

Sci-fi & Fantasy

Conan the Barbarian (2011) PASS

Thor (2011) SUCCESS

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) SUCCESS

Tron: Legacy (2010) PASS

Alice in Wonderland (2010) PASS

Outlander (2008) PASS

Planet of the Apes (2001) PASS

Stargate SG-1 (1997-2007) SUCCESS

Stargate (1994) PASS

Uncategorized

The Secret Garden (1993) SUCCESS

Not only can you see a trend of when certain subjects or genres were popular, unpopular or regained it’s appeal, but it goes to show that simply doing a remake of a popular tale with a slightly different interpretation does not go over so well, especially when the market has a large amount of flops that came before. What does work is standing back to see the genre and choosing a drama that has never been told before, or choosing a different character to be the protagonist (ie. First Knight is told by Lancelot, not King Arthur and The Aventure of Merlin is from, guess who, Merlin’s perspective.) Simply doing an updated version just won’t cut it, an the older the film the less it was tainted by modern Hollywood that will compromised the integrity of the original concept. It can be argued that though Disney has simplified their stories to be enjoyed by a younger generation, they have also so completely altered it from it’s authentic premise that it now feeds subtle sexual content to children; to what purpose, we may never know.

In conclusion, the success, pass and failure of reinventing a timeless tale denotes that the author may have been incapable of coming up with something original. Those authors who wrote the original tales that have been captured in time had an intention with their writing that may have been lost as entertainment producers decided to “take a whack at it” by grinding it down through the Hollywood filters and tainting it’s essence in sake of fortune. You’re best bet is to be inspired by the one of the concepts and interpret it so abstractly that it bears very little resemblance to the original tale.

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