We have all been bullied in one way or another by at least one person in our lives. It’s often times frustrating because you don’t know their motivations: why are they a bully? Why do they pick on you?
After long self reflections, pondering over the issue and asking God for the knowledge and wisdom to understand this troubling issue that I had to face in my youth, I finally realized the mindset of a bully. Shortly later I was able to forgive and forget the transgressions of those who persecuted me — because I pitied them.
The basic psychology of a bully involves issues at home that make them angry and feel the need to release that anger on others with no avail to solving the actual problem that plagues them. Either by avoidance or ignorance, they are ruled by their emotions that cannot face.
A// Parental Issues – One or both parents, or legal guardian, are ‘neglecting’ in some way. In this day and age, families are supported by hard-working fathers and mothers who have up to 3 jobs each trying to pay the bills, feed their children, provide the roof over their head and the clothes on their back. Sometimes unfortunate circumstances create friction in family, the desire to have possessions that others have but one cannot afford can create resentment and anger at being deprived of ‘want’ objects instead of being thankful of having what they ‘need’. All this could be solved if the family had a firm understanding of the need to communicate, to voice their feelings and frustrations. Another thing could be friction between the parents during a divorce, verbal or physical abuse, not spending time with the kids, etc. In the case of abuse, it’s the continuance of an evil cycle: parents were abused, and therefore abuse their child (unless they were fortunate to have some sort of retrospect and change).
B// Jealousy – this may go hand in hand with a poor child not having things the other kids have that they want. It could also be jealousy over beauty, intelligence, talent or gift, attention from a teacher or student, say a desirable guy or girl that they wanted to be with, etc. Jealousy can create a vindictively selfish bully, but they’re childish and don’t have an ounce of self-awareness to be happy with what they have or who they are to find a better way to deal.
C// Power – When a person gets a taste of what it’s like to make another feel pain and manipulate ppl to gang up on another person, it can be addictive as gambling, drinking or drugs. Unfortunately, the feeling of having the power to diminish someone else to make them feel put on a pedestal is a sociological factor, which makes it that much more difficult to see, much less admit and change. It’s also not as prominently noticeable as other addictions and there are fewer confrontations to a bully to change their act, much fewer still that can actually get through.
As you can see, a bully is only a troubled soul who is taking his pain out on others, and by consequence they are the lesser man. Pity them, allow yourself to forgive and find solace in fact that they are little children who do not know what they do. You are now aware of the route of their problem and there’s something you can use to strengthen your resolve for your next encounter with a bully.
On another note, the blueprint of a bully allows you to understand your story’s villain.